Thursday, April 2, 2015

Kindness is All that Matters


     A couple of months ago, I was on the verge of a breakdown.  I was adjusting to my new and exciting life.  I had worked for YEARS for my current position.  I had dreamt of the day when I would go by Dr. Gregory, have my very own patients to manage, would have professor responsibilities with the college, have my name listed in the hospital directory by the elevator, mentor students, and answer after-hour calls for the clinic, because I was just THAT important.

     So imagine my surprise, when I mostly just felt exhausted working at my dream job.  While my job had many great perks, the clinic where I practice was undergoing many changes.  Namely, our manager stepped up to take a job in corporate and we were left incredibly short-staffed.    As a result, I was working ridiculously long hours, was expected to work on projects that I just didn’t have the time for, and was taking call more often than anticipated.  About the time I was starting to feel overwhelmed, my counterpart announced that she was resigning her position in the clinic and at the college, so she could take a job closer to home.  While I respected her decision to move closer to her family, I was devastated! I was barely keeping my head above water; and with her move, I would be given even greater responsibility.  Essentially, our clinic, which was established to provide care for patients by three providers, would now have only one.   As our transition from two to one provider occurred, I watched as my nights and weekends disappeared as I was the ONLY person taking call.  And during my “time off”   at home, I was busy generating reports, grading papers, and responding to e-mails because the 10-12 hours I spent in the clinic each day,  were solely spent taking care of patients;  and I had to get all of my other responsibilities done on my own time.

    At this time of exhaustion and anxiety, I and was ready to throw in the towel.  I couldn’t do it all!   I had felt SO good about this job.  Everything had just fallen into place for me to take my position.  I had been SO excited about this incredible opportunity to work as a clinician and professor.  And now, I was just tired, and to be honest, cranky.  About this time I began to pray with a bit of resentment in my tone.  “Why did you send me here?  Why did I feel so good about taking this job?  Why hadn’t I been warned about how bad things would get?  I’m so tired and can’t do everything THEY want me to.  What do you expect me to do?”  One night, while I was again angrily saying my prayers, the answer hit me, “I need you here.   Don’t worry about everything on your to-do list.  Worry about serving.  Worry about loving.  Kindness is the only thing that matters.”

      For the next few days, “Kindness is all that matters” continued to echo throughout my heart and head.  And so, I changed my approach.  While I still did my best and ran reports and responded to e-mails and worked long hours; checking things off my check list was no longer my focus.  I was more worried about being a mentor and cheerleader for my students, an advocate and nurturer to my patients, and a confident and friend to my colleagues.    When my focus changed from getting things done to kindness, I experienced a reduction in my stress level, found satisfaction in my job, and remembered why this had been my dream job!

     And although being happier has been a huge perk, I have seen a small glimpse of why kindness really matters.  You see, this week, as I consulted on a patient that had already been assessed by a student, I noticed that she seemed a bit down and not quite herself.  Rather than just focusing on her anticoagulation and sending her on her way, I stopped.  I sat down.  I asked how she was doing, and if everything was okay.  At that point, she burst into tears and admitted she was suffering from depression and anxiety and was planning on ending her life that very afternoon.  I cried with her.  I arranged for her to get help.  And after our visit was over and she was in a safe place, where she couldn’t harm herself, those same words came back to me again, “Kindness is all that matters” and it turns out, it really is.

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