An Unexpected Answer

     As most of you already know, I recently completed a residency in Wyoming (woot, woot) and following the completion, accepted my dream job back home in Utah.  (Hooray!).  I absolutely LOVE my job.  I love working with both patients and students, but the demands of work have been great.  Between seeing patients in the clinic and managing my teaching responsibilities at the University, I have averaged 50-60 hours of work each week.  Not wanting my entire life to be work…. I’ve tried to squeeze as much into my free time, and as a result, my life has become overly scheduled.

     Spending such long days always on the go has taken its toll, and a couple of weeks ago I hit my breaking point!  Work had been exceptionally demanding.  I’d just been given another calling (institute council… yeah buddy) in addition to the busy calling I already held in my ward, and I was trying to make time for a social life too.  Trying to be the best pharmacist, compassionate service committee member, professor,  sister, visiting teacher, daughter, institute council member, date , weekly temple attender, and friend had taken its toll as there was more on my plate than I had room for and I wasn’t ready (or willing) to give anything up.  So, after another long week, I prayed to my Heavenly Father.  I explained to him that I was feeling extremely stretched.  I wanted to be my best.  I wanted to serve Him.  But the demands I was feeling were just too much.  I asked for Him to let me know He was aware of me and my silly struggle and begged for His help in accomplishing everything on my to-do list.

     Just as I finished my prayer, my phone went off.  It was a friend who would be moving the next day and needed help.  Knowing that I drive an SUV and have a bit more room in my car, she asked if I would be willing to help.  I couldn’t believe it!  I just ended a prayer telling my Heavenly Father how overwhelmed I felt, and here I was asking to give more.  My Saturday was already fully scheduled, I was already overwhelmed, this couldn’t possibly be the answer to my prayer.  I was baffled, but decided I would serve, trusting that by serving my friend, Heavenly Father would somehow allow for me to have more time in my day and I would be blessed.

     So, I moved my friend.  I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal as she didn’t have much to move and wasn’t moving far.  I could spare an hour.  Heavenly Father KNEW how busy I was and would help things go quickly and smoothly, so I could get on with my day.  I couldn’t have been more wrong!

     In the five minutes it took to move a piece of furniture from my open vehicle into her new home, someone who had been watching us, took the opportunity to go to my open car and rummage through things.  He managed to find my purse hiding under my front seat and we happened to see him running away from my car with my purse in hand, just as we were coming back outside to move the next piece of furniture.

     I screamed and began chasing him only to follow him around the corner where he jumped into a truck and began driving off.  I was devastated!  My purse contained my wallet complete with my driver’s license, credit cards, and social security card (which I had used only the day before when I went to talk to HR and had forgotten to remove).  My day had gone from crazy to worse and I was angry because I was supposed to be blessed for serving.

     After calling the police and my credit card company to cancel my account, I sat on my friend’s lawn waiting for the police to arrive, angry and silently questioning why this was happening to me.  I was already at my wit’s end and then this had happened.

     When the police arrived, they explained another gentleman who had been driving by witnessed the whole thing and followed the speeding truck long enough to get a license plate number; however, the owner of the vehicle did not match the description of the person I’d seen, and so they weren’t sure how good the license plate lead would be.  I was hopeful that things would work out, but still knew that there was a good likelihood my nightmare wasn’t ending anytime soon.

     After the police left, and I finished moving my friend into her new place, I began my drive home.  My head still swimming from the events that had occurred as I made a mental list of all of the places I would need to call to begin cleaning up the latest mess.  I was still angry that this had happened and thought God was playing a cruel joke… didn’t He hear my prayer?  Didn’t He know how stressed I was?  I was already at my wit’s end and then THIS had to happen.

     At this point, my phone began going off, and as I answered my brother explained that someone was at my house looking for me.  I was only a couple of minutes away and drove quickly to find out who it was and what was going on.  As I walked into my house, a man; dressed in bike shorts and a biking jersey, with a race number fixed to his shirt, handed me my purse which had been stolen not even 2 hours prior.  I was shocked!  He explained he had been biking in a race that day and during the race happened to notice my purse on the side of the road.  He felt prompted to pick it up and look inside, and after seeing both my ID and temple recommend had a strong impression that I was desperately looking for these items.  So, after he finished his ride… he biked over to the address listed on my license.  As I went through my purse, everything was still inside, exactly where it had been!  Nothing was missing and it appeared undisturbed, including my social security card which I had tucked deeply inside my wallet to keep safe and hidden.

     After thanking this kind gentleman and offering him a ride home or a reward (which he wouldn’t accept), I called the police to let them know my purse had been found, miles from where it had been stolen.  They were shocked everything was still intact and explained how rare it was for something like this to happen.

     Suddenly, I felt incredibly selfish and guilty for being so angry.  I had been blessed for serving and Heavenly Father was aware of me!  At the exact moment that my purse had been stolen someone else just happened to be around and decided to follow the thief long enough to get a license plate number.  The thief got nervous from being followed and decided to get rid of my purse and just happened to throw it out of a window on a road where a bike race occurred.  An honest person who was participating in the race just happened to notice the purse and felt prompted to pick it up and find me.  For something so crappy to happen, things had sure been smoothed out quickly.

     My stolen purse adventure really had been an answer to my prayers.  Everything had worked out so perfectly and was a reminder that Heavenly Father was VERY aware of me and my circumstances.  He KNEW I felt stretched.  He allowed for a bad thing to happen but He also allowed for things to work out and in doing so reminded me that although I felt overwhelmed and like things were out of control, He was in full control.  How grateful I am to have gone through this experience.  For it allowed me to see Him orchestrating even the smallest details of my life.  He is really there.  He really is listening.  And being reminded of this was simply beautiful. 

Twenty-Six Life Lessons

It’s hard to believe I turn 26 this month.  Twenty-six!!!  As in, closer to thirty than I am twenty.  Crazy!!!  So, in honor of twenty-six years on earth I give you twenty-six life lessons I’ve learned:

1.      Defining your worth by numbers (whether salary, GPA, weight, number of Facebook friends, etc.) will never make you happy. 

2.      A smile goes a long ways.

3.      Always assume others have the best intentions.

4.      Friends come and go but your family is always your family.

5.      Growth requires pain.

6.      The way to put meaning in your life is to serve others.

7.      Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

8.      Time heals all wounds.  Chocolate helps.

9.      The destination is only a tiny sliver of the journey.

10.   Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

11.  The most important things in life are relationships.

12.  The minute you think you know it all, you'll be reminded you don't.

13.  If fear is the primary motivator behind a decision you've made, you've made the wrong decision.

14.  Never, under any circumstance, ask "What else could go wrong?"

15.  If you have hard feelings towards someone, serve them. It will change your heart.

16.  Laughter is the best medicine.

17.  You're only as lonely as you allow yourself to be.

18.  One's opinion doesn't make it fact.

19.  You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.

20.  You're not the only person struggling.

21.  Hard work pays off.

22.  Life is too short for cheap toilet paper.

23.  Never give with the expectation of receiving.

24.  Write Thank-You Notes often.

25.  Invest in yourself.  If you don't, who will?

26.  How you see others says more about you than about them.

A Big Fear

     Well, I will begin my trek back to Utah in 23 days!  That’s it.  It’s hard to believe the year is already over.  As I’ve started saying good-bye, disassembling my furniture (err…. Futon), and packing my boxes I’ve been hit with a pang of sadness.  Even though I really miss Utah and want to go back, even though I have my dream job just waiting for me, and even though I’ve had a nice reassurance that the Salt Lake Valley is indeed where I am supposed to be going,  preparing to move has brought with it a pang of sadness.

     I’ve fought back tears as I’ve referred patients on to a new provider, held on to hugs a little longer than I should, and have had some crazy “allergies” as I’ve packed boxes.  As I’ve reflected on these seemingly silly feelings it hit me pretty hard that one of the emotions causing my sadness is fear.  I’m afraid of going back to the girl I was.

     Since moving to Casper, I have found myself.  I am quirky.  I laugh at things almost no one else finds funny.  I like junk food WAY more than I should.  I like singing and dancing when no one else is around.  I’m not a fantastic housekeeper.  I’m not great at going to the gym (well,  unless it’s time for Full House to come on or there’s a good football game playing). I have made my career a bigger priority than it needs to be.  I am not a fan of the cold or snow or winter.  I can’t fall asleep in silence.  I am painfully stubborn.  I have a really hard time telling people no.  I struggle cooking for one.   I have built a big part of my identity on my accomplishments.  I worry too much. 

    

     But as much as I’ve discovered my quirks, I’ve also discovered what being a daughter of God really means.  I have infinite worth, not because of the letters after my name or the number of dates landed, but because of WHOSE I am.  I have a capacity to love, to lift, to serve.  And building relationships with those I’m loving, lifting, and serving means so much more than studying, gaining more knowledge, and advancing.

     Yes, my year in Casper has changed my priorities.  While I still want to find success and be the best pharmacist/professor that I can, that goal pales in comparison of my desire to be the best human being I can be.   The people and relationships in my life matter SO MUCH more than the tasks I need to accomplish.   And it is my greatest fear that by moving back to Utah I’ll slip into old habits, and forget the lessons I have learned and loose the person I've spent the past year becoming.

Lessons from Casper

     Well, I only have 46 more days in Casper.  I’m below the 50 mark!  Oh, and did I mention that I have accepted my DREAM job (I NEVER dreamed my first job would be in academia and ambulatory care… my two favorite worlds).  Oh, and did I also mention that my dream job is back in UTAH.  The clinic I’ll be working in is in Murray and the University I’ll be teaching for is in South Jordan so I really am going home.  This is a dream come true!!!

     So, with all of this anticipation of going back to my favorite place on earth to have the most amazing job I could possibly imagine; I’ve been in the process of packing up my apartment and reflecting on my time in Why-Oming.

     Since the day I matched with the residency program here, I’ve been asking why.  Why Casper?  Why Wyoming?  Why this program?  Why? Why?  Why?  And while I don’t know all of the reasons, there are some beautiful lessons I have learned the past several months.

Lesson #1: I love my family.  A lot.  I was always near family and took advantage of having them around.  Being further away, where I can’t see them all the time, has made me really appreciate them.  I look forward to every opportunity I’ve had to go visit Utah.  I’ve learned that the time I get to spend with my parents, my best friends (aka my siblings), and my amazing extended family (whom I’m really close with) really is a treasure. I’ve learned that I love nothing more than sitting around the kitchen table laughing with my family as we play “The Stupid Game”, or make “thumb grips” on the milk or talk about who would play our character in the sitcom about us (which, would be HILARIOUS BTW).  I’ve also learned that my family is always willing to talk, text, or Skype and I’m so thankful for their continued support, even when I’m not quite so close by.  I am incredibly thankful that I matched with this residency program as it is the closest to SLC, and crazy coincidence, the flight from Casper to Salt Lake is pretty darn cheap… allowing for me to go home and visit more often that I would have if I had matched with, say, the program in Florida.

Lesson #2: I’m tougher than I thought.  For the entire month before I moved to Wyoming, I prayed for a very mild winter because I DO NOT like the snow and cold and there was absolutely no way on earth I could survive a bad Wyoming winter.  I realized though, things weren’t going to work out how I wanted, when a blizzard the first week of October knocked out the power.  So far, we’ve had SEVEN months of snow and we’ve had an incredibly COLD winter.  (The coldest night I saw, with the windchilll was only -55°F).  Even though I still HATE driving in the snow and I am not a fan of cold, I learned I could handle things better than anticipated.  Turns out I’m capable of more than I expected.

Lesson #3: I can be friends with people who aren’t exactly like me.  I was spoiled in Utah.  Yes, very spoiled.  I hung out with lots of other people who were very similar to me.  You know: grad students, Mormons, singles, people over the age of 23.  When I moved out to Casper I was very lost for the first month or so.  It seemed like everyone in my singles ward was WAY younger than I, everyone was only in their first or second year of school, and we had almost NOTHING in common to talk about.  But, as time went on, I learned that there is still so much we share and CAN bond about.  Some of my closest friends in Casper are significantly younger than I, and they don’t care about school nearly as much as I do.  But, we share similar beliefs and values and we still can have a good time together.

Lesson #4: It’s okay not to plan EVERYTHING.  I’m a planner.  It’s what I do.  I’ve planned about every detail of my life for as long as I can remember.  And it’s served me well.  I’ve accomplished A LOT for my 25 years of life.  Before moving here, I had three google calendars, e-mail alerts, and phone alerts keeping me up to speed on everything I needed to get done to keep my life in perfect order.  I scheduled my entire day in 15-minute intervals, a week in advance (please try not to mock). It’s who I am.  But, once I moved here, I realized this wasn’t quite going to work any more.  The Casper culture is much more relaxed and people don’t have deadlines and calendars quite like I’m used to.  At first it drove me NUTS when my boss would say things like, “Just get this to me when you can” and I was receiving only a days notice before I needed to give my next lecture.     But, this way of thinking has grown on me and has helped me from being the same stressed-out nut job I once was.  In fact, a couple months ago when I was interviewing for a job, I had to do a couple of powerpoint presentations.  Well, technology isn’t perfect, and mid-way through both of my presentations; the slides stopped working.  I just rolled with the punches and fiddled with the cords and computer as I continued talking.  After my presentation, I was complimented on how calm I seemed, and how well I worked under pressure.  The big catch was I WAS calm and it hadn’t even dawned on me that I should be upset or flustered.  Now, part of this has to do with the prayers and fasting of my family and friends, and priesthood blessing I’d received from my dad, I’m sure.  But, part of it had to do with the new mindset I’ve achieved.  Learning this lesson alone has been invaluable and has made my move to Casper so worth it!

Lesson #5: I am never alone. This is my first time living by myself and my first few nights my apartment freaked me out.  I wasn’t used to the silence, and I hated walking in to a big empty apartment.  But, I was reminded pretty quickly that I wasn’t alone.  There have been so many people that have been answers to my prayers: friends calling to check on me after storms, home teachers that come to help at the drop of a hat, friends dropping by with burgers after a stressful day, the list goes on and on and on.  I have realized more than ever God is so aware of me, of my fears and dreams, and He will send me the things and people I need so I can accomplish what He needs me to.

     The past ten months have been some of the hardest, yet sweetest months of my life and I am so grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to move here and learn and grow.  I still don’t know all of the reasons Why-Oming was the place for me, but I do know that I needed to come here.  The Father’s blessing I received right before I moved here was right; my time in Casper will be a treasured time in my life, and a period I will always be grateful I experienced.