Misconceptions

     I’ve been living with a misconception for a while now.  I’ve had it in my head if something is right, and it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, then things will go smoothly and I’ll have no problems. 

     Case and point: Residency.  For the last year or so, I’ve had a very strong and distinct impression that I needed to complete a residency, and I struggled with this impression for a while.  Mainly because it would require a move (I love it here and I had a pretty sweet job offer) and it also felt like I was chasing after a career, when, in reality, I really wanted to chase after a family instead.  But, alas, I followed the impression… applied for residencies, interviewed across the country, and then matched with the University of Wyoming.

     ‘Why’-Oming was the last place I thought I would end up.  And I’ve asked ‘Why’ countless times.  I’m not a fan of the cold, or snow, or cowboys (I’m the biggest sucker for a clean-cut boy… none of this rugged junk), and to be totally honest, I thought I would end up in either Vegas or Phoenix where the LDS YSA population is bigger.  I figured; residency was going to be the way for me to get out of my shell, and socialize with more young single adults.  But instead, I’m going to a place where my dating pool just got incredibly smaller.

     So, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed to know that Wyoming is where I needed to be and, ya know what, I once again got this very distinct feeling that it was.  And that Heavenly Father KNEW I wasn’t thrilled about it, He KNEW I was scared to move out to the middle of nowhere by myself, and He KNEW I was terrified that I was making a big mistake… that I was somehow choosing a career path over a path to have a family.  And ya know what else, I got a very strong re-assurance that I wasn’t making a mistake at all, and that all of the things that my heart really, really, really desired would come to pass.

     After getting this amazing re-assurance after the match, I thought things would get easier.  Because, I was doing what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.   But, things haven’t been easier and I’ve hit some major bumps in the road.

     Becoming a licensed pharmacist has become quite the paperwork nightmare and is taking MUCH longer than I was initially told.  (Fingers crossed, I’ll be licensed by July 1^st).    But even more stressful than that, has been the nightmare of finding a place to live.  Because, there’s NO housing available in Casper. 

     I’ve been looking since I matched at the end of March, and only found a place to live this past weekend.  I considered finding that place a miracle, and then early this afternoon, I felt like my miracle had been ripped out from underneath me, when I received a phone call informing me I could no longer move into my apartment until July 9^th, even though residency starts July 1^st.    

     After hanging up with my apartment manager, I maturely locked myself in the bathroom and broke down. ( I’ll blame the borderline hysteria on being sick from donating blood yesterday.) My poor family tried to console me through the bathroom door, but I just didn’t want to hear it.  I’d prayed for a housing miracle for months, and felt like it had been taken from me.  I was questioning my move to Wyoming, and to be totally honest, I wanted to back out and take the job offer I had here.  I love Utah.  I love my family.  I love my ward.  I love all the people that I serve and interact with on a daily basis.  And taking a pharmacist job here wouldn’t be all bad.

     Eventually, my family left the house, and I finally had time to think things through and pull myself out of my ridiculous hysteria (seriously, ridiculous).    And while I was pondering, and praying, the thought hit me.  That things don’t always work out perfectly, even when you’re doing the right thing.  This afternoon, Nephi’s story just kept coming back to me.  He was commanded to get the plates from Laban and go to the promised land.  And he did.  But it didn’t go off without a hitch.  If he would’ve given up at the first sign of trouble (because he’d been carrying around the same misconception I had… that if God really wanted him to do it, there would be no problems)… he would have never made it to the promised land.   

     And so, I’m gonna be like Nephi, I’m still going to do what I’m supposed to, even though things are less than perfect.  I’m still going to Wyoming.  I don’t understand why.  And I’m terrified.  And once again I’ll be homeless for the first half-of the month.  But, it’s okay.  Because Heavenly Father knows more than I do.  And He thinks moving to Wyoming is a fabulous idea.  And since He can see the end from the beginning, I’m going to trust Him… even though things aren’t perfect.